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Look, I can't tell the future, so I can't tell you that everything would be wonderful with me. I honestly wish I could; that I could whisk you off of your feet and that the rest of our lives could be a Disney movie in the most gag-inducing sense, but in my experience, the world doesn't work that way. All I can promise is that I'd try like hell, and things would probably get pretty messy anyway.
That being said, I don't think messy is automatiy a bad thing. Messes tend to be pretty fun. Ours would be a goddamned blast.
I'll be frank: I don't know what I am to you. Am I a friend you have the occasional charged 'text' conversation with? Am I a safe place you can go to feel desirable, beautiful and smart without the risk of an actual relationship? Am I a 'plan B' you're holding in the wings if your current ship starts to sink? I know that this probably isn't fair. I know your position is a tenuous one, and if we could be more, we would be more.
The thing is, you are beautiful, and desirable and brilliant. I would die for the chance to just hold you and run my fingers through your hair. As time goes by, that possibility feels like it's slipping farther and farther away, and yet, even though I know it's hopeless, every time you text me my heart leaps a little. I have more of my hopes in you than people I actually date, and we havn't exchanged real words in over a year. Just numbers and letters...
I miss you on New Years.
Every damned New Year.

W
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