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The sheen of my hair and glow of my skin will hint at youthful health. Involuntarily, your pupils will dilate and heart beat faster as you gaze into my brown eyes.

You will find me curious about the world. I will challenge you by asking probing questions, that although stimulating, are not so difficult as being unable to answer.

My girly fears and innate helplessness will make you feel big and strong. You will swat spiders and hang shelves, and in return you will have my lush body.

I will prove to be coy and playful, petulant and pouty, drawing you deep into my complex feminine web.

Evenutally, it is full fledged coupledom for us! You will enjoy home made cuisine, crisp lavendar scented sheets, Swedish massage, and the hidden joys of having a double jointed girlfriend.

You will want it to last forever! You will pop the question. We will marry on a crazy whim in Vegas. An Elvis impersonator will be your best man. And we will fly back home, weary but happy, my head resting sleepily on your shoulder.

....it is then, and only then, after having trapped you in my black-widow marital death embrace, that I can fully allow my inner demons to surface, providing you with a whole new itinerary of unexpected high-end excitement.

We will be a special couple. One of the few that can boast that law enforcement knows our address by heart. You will stay sharp witted as you look for signs that I am once again off my meds. Opportunities will arise for you to reconnect with extended family members as you plan interventions. And your creative side will flourish as you strive to find ways to pay bills after my weekly outings to the casino.

By the time I finally agree to grant you a divorce, you will have skills and knowledge that you never dreamed you would one day acquire.

You might have problems sleeping at first, knowing somewhere out there in the night is my dark glowering Id. But you will find new projects for your extra waking time, such as sealing the doggy door and installing a home monitoring security system.

So if you are looking for a woman who can make you feel more alive than you have felt in a long time, I'm your gal.

But our relationship can't start until I hear from you. No crazies.

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