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    A few months ago, I wrote a letter to one of the sex that got away. I consider him to be one of those that I could have actually been with long-term, and possibly for a lifetime, if we could communicate. I wrote the letter in haste after a friend died. I had every intention of sending it. I had no expectations for what a response might entail or for a response period. After I put the letter on paper, I didn't send it. Part of me felt it was enough to get the feelings out of me. *Charles is the only exception on the list in that we never kissed or went on an official date. There was never overt romance between us. He was a friend with whom I had immense chemistry and for whom I would eventually carry a tremendous torch.

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    Dear Charles,

    There are some things I've wanted to tell you that I just could never say. I want to say these things now because it is important that I say them. The older I get, I believe I should say all the things I've always wanted to say especially before I can't. I no longer fear my feelings; nor do I fear rejection.

    In the end, I was absolutely crazy about you. In the end, I wanted to be your lover. In the end, I loved you. In the beginning, I didn't realize any of this. To piece our history together by reading through the emails we've exchanged, that began July , I went to Kim Wells' party. Tim was there. *Angela and I were together. At the end of the night, we drove Tim to his car. We all hung out for a bit talking about everything. I know how close you and Tim were. I told him that I had feelings for you, and he immediately exclaimed, "But you're leaving!" He was right. But the way he said it made me feel like you two had discussed us before. It felt good.

    Don't you think you should know all this? Of all the men who have been in my life you are the only one who never knew how I felt about him. I think in a world where it's getting harder and harder to find love, I have to tell you that you were loved. My inability to express myself and accept my feelings as genuine was purely immaturity. I miss you tremendously. I think about you often. I hope you are happy where you are.

    Love,
    K.

    P.S. One day over drinks, you told a few friends that you wanted your wedding song to be AC/DC's Back In Black. Whenever I hear it, I think of you getting married.

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