Online: Yesterday
"dolce" w4w We were friends; rather, strangers mixing together briefly to discuss tangential anecdotes. I hardly had a whisper of a grip on the world when I searched for you, found you. Glaring light from a computer screen kept me awake amidst the taptaptap of keys and my fingers refreshing the page every 2.5 seconds. I remember when I almost met you once, but my ride bailed on me and we just never talked about it except to wish fondly. I guess I didn't know you that well, but I didn't know myself either. Does that make it okay or worse? I struggled, you struggled more, and we fell out of contact. I exited the fleeting experimental phase of sleepovers suddenly being weighed with stolen kisses and not waking up parents, to realizing I would never really know. Because I NEVER (is a long time though) got to try with you. But how fucking selfish is that? You knew who you were, who you are. Why should you be my experiment? You were one of my closest friends and I never even met you in person. I wonder what would have happened if I met you during that tumultuous time. Would we still have been friends, lovers, or something else? As I continue to exclusively date, fuck, and shack up with men, I still think about you often. Would I have gone from being confused, curious, to in love with you? The truth of it is that it doesn't matter much. Our lives will probably never reconnect again. But every so often, I wonder if anyone will ever me Dolce again.
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Mike, I miss seeing you everyday. I've secretly been in love with you for so long. I think about you all the time. I like to believe you felt it too. When our eyes would meet my heart would melt. When I could at least see you everyday it would give something to look forward to, some thing to get me through. Sounds foolish, I know, but I truly have feelings for you. I know we both have our obligations, but if things were different, how happy I would be... Dreaming of You (hugs)
Love Always,
C
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